Sunday my mind was in turmoil: a gentle compassionate state of loneliness. Most of the time I love my solitude and guard it gladly. But sometimes, once in a great while, I long to have a different character: one that embraces a home full of acquaintences and friends, busy comings and happenings, full of movement and shy of nothing. One that has energy for everyone and every conversation, and can still go into the studio and have something to say.
But I've learned that the two don't coexist well for me. I can't, so to speak, have my cake and eat it too. In my solitude lots and lots of lovely things happen, which wouldn't be happening if I spent that creative currency elsewhere.
It's like a story from mythology, only I am both the hero and the Hydra. I'm Daedelus, the labyrinth, and the beast, altogether.
I think yesterday was a beast type of day. Just getting by, trying to find my sight and my balance, feeling not quite wholly one creature yet not another, and filled with primitive and non-rational emotions.
I spent the day in the back garden, next to a pot of tea, with my nose in a book, and the scent of the white iris filling the air. Didn't make things seem less beastly, but it didn't hurt, either. :)
7 comments:
I have a similar temperament. It's a great gift and a treasure, and also a great challenge. Raising two boys has stretched me quite a lot. I'm fortunate that they are both sensitive and also respect their time alone. (Today they're having friends over, so I plan to stay on the fringes and hide somewhat ;-)).
You described yesterday's energy so beautifully. I had to check the planets after I read what you wrote, as I had a soulful/emotional day as well. The moon is in Cancer (emotions rule :-)) and yesterday she was opposite Pluto (soulfulness, inner darkness) and both were being affected by Mercury (thoughts, communication)...a good day for quiet solitude and reflection.
This moon/pluto opposition will be back on june 13th, july 10th, and so on...it's strong because the moon is in her home sign of cancer when it happens, while pluto is in the steadfast sign of capricorn....a great time for connecting deeply to soul and emotions or getting out in nature for some relief ;-).
Thanks for sharing this.
Cindy: I agree, I really like my temperment and know it's a great gift. I like that phrase "inner darkness" ~ it reminds me of some pysch stuff about one's "shadow" ~ how everyone has a shadow side to them. :) So interesting. Have you ever read "The Highly Sensitive Person?" Very enlightening, too.
And SO cool about yesterday's planets! I love that stuff but don't know much about it. I had someone do my chart once and she looked at it and sighed, and said, "My goodness." Do you have a website you look at for the planets?
I've read that book, or most of it. Even reading about it can be overwhelming ;-). I take lots of flower essences, it helps a lot. 'The Sensitive Person's Survival Guide' is a good book for using flower essences and understanding our sensitivities.
I like to use Astro.com for checking the planets. You can enter your chart information and get daily horoscopes for free. It doesn't show everything, but it's very helpful on a day to day basis. (You can also subscribe for more info, I've never tried it though.)
That's really too bad about the astrologer...probably gave you the wrong impression of your chart? It should be a rule that astrologers never say things like 'my goodness' :-). If you want to send me your birth info, I promise not to say that ;-).
I've got the moon and mars in cancer, opposite saturn in capricorn...very heavy stuff, but i was made to handle it, you know? It's part of who we are.
The funniest part about the astrologer is that she looked at my husband's chart, sighed, and smiled.
And that's pretty much us!
That just sounds like my kind of day. I, on the other hand have chaos and disorder in my life right now. I can only check out three blogs a day because I must study, do work and not procrastinate. Your blog was on my list today and I am SO glad I stopped by. Such lovely, lovely words.
raining sheep: i'm so glad you were able to stop by! thanks ~ hope your studying is going swimmingly. :)
I'm revisiting this exchange ;-).
I love that image of you and your husband as complimentary expressions!
When I read what you said about the shadow, I knew there was something important in that, but couldn't put my finger on how to approach it. Yesterday, I went to the bookstore, and ended up buying Mountain Astrologer, which I hardly ever buy. There's an article in this month's issue called Healing the Astrological Shadow, that puts it all into perspective, I think. I love how things answer themselves like that. The author has a website and blog...
http://www.astropoetics.com/blog_index.html
I don't know if any of that is useful for you, but I thought the synchronicity was pretty cool ;-).
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