Thursday, August 26

Up To Snuff

{my studio desk}

Lately in my work I've been struggling with drifting off course. Too much tea-drinking, wandering around the garden, poking around online, puttering in the kitchen and wondering where the day has gone.

This is one of the perils of working at home, for yourself.

The root of what's going on is that when I get started in the studio, sometimes I feel insufficient. There are so many ideas and I'm never going to be able to do them all. And sometimes I just don't want to deal with that.

This is my work ~ my passion, a true calling, and I'm lucky and appreciative to be here. But it can be tough going. It's hard work to face the void ~ the "do I still have it" and "what do I make today" and the slugging along when nothing's really happening. Days in the studio can take a heck of a lot of untangling.

Every single time I go into the studio, I have to make a conscious choice to go from my comfortable life into something other. Some place that could be scary. Some place I might not like to find those stories that want to be told. When I go in I become part of something bigger; I'm not just myself. Something takes over and flows through. But I fight giving myself up to it. I fight the work. I fight the fear every day before starting work.

That's been my struggle. Facing the terror of Not Being Enough to handle all these ideas, of succumbing to the mediocre. Of not being Up To Snuff. I'm getting more friendly with it. More gentle about it. More understanding.

It's tough, this life. Full of balances. I'm still working on that. Just thought I'd share a little bit about it with you, since I know we all struggle with these things.

Also wanted to share some pleasantries from around my place:

~ The hummingbird is visiting the red trumpet-shaped flowers on our cardinal vine! Love that bird.
~ Loving this video on inspiration, from the lovely Susannah Conway.
~ And these photos, so much! One Two Three Four Five
~ Just heard from a friend in London who received a letter I wrote ~ letter-writing and receiving makes me thrill.
~ Another friend just went to Ecuador for a month to visit friends. I will be living vicariously, and may even try to figure out how to Skype... (?!) I visited her there when she was teaching and so can imagine the places she's in.
~ It's been rainy here and it's gorgeous after months of drought.
~ Want to eat this.
~ Love this post.

Have a great Thursday!

xo Brooke