Monday, November 22

I just sit

I've been trying to work more blank time into my life. Time where I'm not reading or writing a letter or on the computer or listening to a book on tape or running errands or cooking or reorganizing or puttering....

Just time to sit. Literally sit there and do nothing. (Or sometimes, lay in the tub and do nothing.) Part of me wants to run screaming when I think of doing this. How can I bear to just sit there? What will I do?

And another part of me says Ahhhhh. Sigh. Finally.

When I do it, I notice patterns in my thoughts. I notice how I want to run screaming. How I have to have something to do. What that might mean, and how lovely the newly vacuumed carpet is, and how the sunlight looks coming in through the window, and gosh how nice the house is to be in. I listen to the silence, (or the cat grooming herself) and a lot of times little clarifying thoughts come to me, as if they were just waiting for the space. Funny things like what to do with that empty shelf in the bathroom ~ medium things like what to plant in the garden next year ~ biggish things like where is my work headed next? and what makes me happy? They come because I'm unhurried and once I get past the initial fits (like getting up without realizing it because I thought of something to do and my body obeyed) I enjoy it so much, in a deep calm thoughtful way which I can see being useful in my everyday swing of things.