Thank you all for your supportive comments. They were so encouraging and I kept coming back to read them over. Gramom lived such an inspiring life to me ~ she grew up on a farm, loved animals, cooked a mean pie, and her sewing room rocked: it was filled with dressers full of materials and had blue fabric as wallpaper. She could sew anything, cook anything, do anything ~ I've walked creeks with her, climbed mountains, and hiked to Delicate Arch with her when she was 76. I am filled with stories and memories that I will cherish, and I do feel that her life has shaped mine in so many ways. I am so lucky to have had an influence like hers.
I've been kind of mopey for a few days but overall we're grateful she went so peacefully and gently ~ she had dealt with Alzheimers for so long that by the end last week, it just seemed right to go. She died two weeks from the day she had stopped eating. Two weeks. She was living on some kind of spiritual energy and was so with it and present. Everyone was home for Christmas break and so we all got to see her last week. Her four children and PopPop were with her when she slipped into a coma and then stopped breathing. How lucky to go safe, warm and surrounded by loved ones at the end of a long life! I can only hope for the same.
I keep thinking how I'm part of such a big cycle: youth, aging, friends, family, life, death. I'm young and I will be old. She was young once too. Our bodies age but our personalities stay youthful inside of us as we gain experiences and wisdom. I am happy to be alive, to be here, and to be on my journey where I am.
I got the best sympathy card from a friend:
I am so sorry. Death is painful. I hate it.
I have to say it made me smile because how else can one say it so simply and truthfully? Death is a part of life, we don't have to like it but it is deepening in so many ways.
As I write this Tim is throwing another log on the fire, Lucy is begging for attention, and my chamomile citrus tea tempts me as it steams. Life continues.