Having a new pup is so easy compared to taking care of a baby. I feel no worries about it and Indigo just makes me laugh. In comparison with the emotional and moral challenges to raising another person, an animal is simple. Even when he chews the shoelace off my moccasin and pees on the rug. His ears are like pure velvet flaps.
I'm sitting here at the computer with a cup of tea catching up on blogging, e-mails and texts. One friend just came back from Paris, another is owed a postcard from Lucy (who enjoys a snail mail correspondence with her Weimaraner just for fun) and my journal has been blank for weeks. So much has happened this past month.
It seems hard now to relate to the feelings I was overwhelmed with with the post-partum depression, and for that I am thankful. For the longest time my days always had a bit of sobbing in them and the dark feeling arose so fast and engulfed me without control. I wondered that mothers had more children after their first. Now that the hormones are being treated I feel so much more balanced and wake up with a feeling that I can do the day, even enjoy it. Motherhood hit me hard. The first four months were like an tsunami, completely drenching and inundating myself, drawing it out into mama bear and clarifying and requesting so much of me. I wouldn't change it but it was really hard for me and if I do have another child someday, something not on my radar right now, I will need to prepare in a very different way for that time. It was so new and although I was really clear about how I did some things (I am 35 and had lots of time to figure out some philosophical aspects), the experience is often different than the idea, as in most things.