Thursday, December 13




He's sleeping through the night. I never ever thought I would say that. Knock on wood. Like 6:30pm to 7am with one wakeup to nurse and one or two others that he puts himself to sleep after. It's like a dream that I'm afraid I'll awake from. Speaking of dreams, I have been having really strange ones lately (well, ever since I got pregnant with him) and often wake up in the middle of the night relieved it was just, after all, a dream and not something really happening. I often dream I've lost Cedar, or forgotten him and then cannot find him. Strange. Did this happen for anyone else after they had a baby?

In my spare moments I've been making books on I'll show pics of them when they arrive. So far, I've done one for each of our last two year's visits to the cabin in Canada, and one for Cedar's birth story in pictures. It's very exciting! Having him around makes me work a little faster, a little less perfectly than usual, and I think it's healthy. I have to keep going, keep trying, keep stepping one step at a time and they all add up. His 30-minute naps give me time to get out into the studio and work on projects. A lot can get accomplished in that time if I hustle.

Tim and I are currently figuring out what to do for Christmas with a little guy who's not keen on strangers and has an early bedtime. I'm not too keen on big crowds myself. My ideal holiday is a snowy one with a peaceful, quiet day with a few close friends and nothing much going on but good talks, a fire, and an evening stroll. Nice and simple.

Sometimes before dinner I put Cedar in the backpack and go for a sunset stroll. After a while I feel his little head loll onto my back as he falls asleep.

This afternoon my parents watched him while Tim and I went out to lunch and walked by the river. We spotted an osprey and a kingfisher and reminisced about the time we rented a tandem bike in Belgium, for some reason. We came home to find out he had been bawling for the past hour and was still shaky sighing. It's tough, you know? The balance between his needs and ours.