Friday, August 30
My Ricoh camera's light meter doesn't work so I've just been fudging around with it and snapping shots anyways. I don't spend too much time worrying about composition with film; it's more about a moment, a feel, an instant. Ironic since it takes weeks to finish a roll and get it developed. When I hold the envelope of photos in my hand I always wonder did I get it?, what did I get? and those moments are given back to me for me to relive again. I like those grainy, head-lopping, crooked images. I can't make the image more than just what it was (moving a dog leash or redoing a funny facial expression) so they are just knee-jerk shots. There is a unpolished reality to them and also a nostalgia. Fewer pictures but each one is so succinct, so concentrated.
Wednesday, August 28
Thursday, August 22
Monday, August 19
Today was a tangled confused day of what to do ~ which would be best, and how to find the energy to make the decision. I hemmed and hawed and finally took Cedar into town to run errands. We got papaya and mango and apples at the grocery store, whole wheat bulk flour and millet at a new dry goods spot, fabric and a wooden train whistle and a staple remover at the thrift store next door, a book from the library and a stop to get my glasses repaired. We were out all afternoon and he didn't nap. Battling a cold, he's full of the cranks and the cries and the squirms. It was an awkward, tired dance of holding him, amusing him in his carseat, feeding him pieces of things while I drove (he's working on his 12th tooth), attemping to wipe his nose when it got out of control, putting him down (barefoot) in stores when I didn't want to and he did, etc. So draining. But one can't stay at home all day every day, can one? I had a great book on cd in the car and a raw kombucha; once he finally fell asleep, I decided to take an unknown road home. I suspected where it went but I figured I'd just wing it if I didn't. The a/c was on, the boy sleeping, the book at a good part ~ and then I looked over and saw the skydivers through a gap in the trees, landing in the field we were driving by. I did a quick turnaround in someone's driveway and went back to watch all six of them land, turning and soaring on the air and rushing down to the earth so fast, till feet met grass. I drove away with a huge smile and a feeling of lightness, remembering my own skydiving experience and that I could do it again if I ever wanted to. Realizing that every tiring event all day, since his first morning sneeze, had led me to this moment of being in the car and looking over on a strange road to see those people fly.
Serendipity. Like tonight when I was struggling to put away all the groceries and I took out the recycling at dusk and saw a little garter snake on the driveway. I touched her and she put her tongue out to sniff me. I picked her gently up, sluggish in the evening's falling temperatures, and admired her silky body and dark striped curves. I took her to the window to show Tim, then placed her in among the ferns on the stone wall.
Serendipity. That thing I see that is magic to my tired soul because I know I could have missed it if I were doing all those things I wished I had been doing instead and which would have taken me away from that encounter which I needed to see. To remember that I'm part of something bigger. That I don't have to have it all planned out. That the world is full of beauty, and some of it is just there for me.
Waking up in the chill of the morning while the stars are still out, having the car packed up full, the dogs sleepy, the radio quietly on. Mist on the lake, a pillow waiting in the front seat; transfering Cedar warm from his bed into his carseat. The soft blinking lights of the car on the reeds. Starting the drive home. Knowing we'll all have time in the car until then to be talkative or silent, just being with each other. Wondering how the garden has grown, and knowing that when we pull onto our road, we'll roll the windows down and watch the dogs start sniffing home. I love that part about vacation too.
Friday, August 16
Tim and Cedar went to the beach two nights ago, on their own with his family. I stayed home, away from Cedar at night for the first time in his life. And mine. I could be as loud as I wanted. I could stay focused on a project for as long as I wanted. It was just like old times, and I see I'm still awful at stopping before I'm exhausted! I was in bed at midnight after a full, busy, satisfying and slightly-buzzing day. I don't miss days like that. I did miss him.
Wednesday, August 14
A friend of mine from my prenatal yoga class moved to Berlin for a year with her family for her work as a scholar. Their catsitter fell through and serendipitiously Tim and I were able to take Lola into our home until their return. She is a sweetheart and fits right in; even though she has never been with dogs before she waltzes right around them and keeps them in order! She is just blissful outdoors in the garden each day and takes long naps on the front porch lounge. Yesterday she snitched the bacon off the counter. We are tickled to have her join in our life for the year.
Tuesday, August 13
I was up till late last night finishing this workshop/kitchen table for Cedar. It just popped into my head when I saw a friend's children's kitchen. The little table I built onto was one we already had. Most of the wood and hooks and handles are salvaged from our own past projects and the rest I got at the hardware store ~ the little brooms (one is for spreading tar, originally), the light switches and that white button. Cedar loves buttons. He is so tickled! The 'oven' door stays shut with a little magnet clasp inside. The switches, basket and hooks are just for fun. Most of the hardware I could have found at garage sales and I'll be on the lookout from now on for interesting pieces to get.
Covered in sawdust, using power tools ~ night fell and the moths came into the garage followed shortly by Lola the cat. I saw the bedroom light go off; Tim had gone to bed. The smell of sanded pine boards, the satisfaction of a good fit, the excitement of wondering what Cedar would do this morning...I love woodworking.