Friday, August 9

Yesterday was

sx-70 camera, polaroid 600 expired film
from a while back now 

Yesterday was nursing Cedar at 4:00 am and putting him back to bed. Cracker crumbs on our sheets. French toast for me and him while Tim slept in. Laundry. Cleaning. Organizing. Putting a warm heavy baby (he's still a baby, right?) down for a late nap. Getting out into the studio for a few hours of work while the babysitter was over, and having trouble concentrating because Cedar's teething (got 10 now) and I can kind of always hear him crying in the sounds of everything around me ~ the trees, the fan, the insect's song. I like working now that I have a baby, I just force it out, force that hour to matter. Ha ~ kind of like pushing a baby out. I just go for it and by sheer will make it happen. Tap into the creative flow. I have to overcome the hurdles of tiredness, creative fears, and procrastination. It is so worth it. The time just isn't there to be wasted like it used to be. Sometimes I feel confused and fractured about what to do. (If I do this, then I can't do all those other things. And if I hold off on a decision, I still could do everything...)

Yesterday was rain drizzling into the hammock. A little woodworking. Taking out the trash. Laundry. Chocolate mint cookie ice cream. A cranky baby's second nap insisted upon by me against said baby's other inclinations. Cleaning. Dishes. Reading. Taking photos. Laundry. Admiring the bouquet of white flowers in my white vase. Leftovers for dinner. Tea. Dirt play (I'm sorry: "gardening"). Bathtime. Sweet incredible baby hugs (what will I ever do without them for the rest of my life after he is grown?). Bedtime. Board books. Baby windmill arms while nursing. Sleep-thickened eyelids in a dim quiet room. Flannel sheets for him. Tomato soup and olive oil drizzled toast for me. Cicadas so loud I could hear them in the shower. Staying up too late again because it's so nice to be on my own.

Trying to stay here, and not there. Trying to stay now and not soon. Trying to be this and not if.

sx-70 camera, polaroid 600 expired film