Sunday, June 30

Meet Sebby










Cedar's new pal, Sebastian, was handmade by our friend Diana. I'm in awe of the workmanship and of the details that match his coloring. Sebby's shirt was made from one of Cedar's first onesies as well. I just about can't stand how cute he is.


(Let me know if you want one for your little and I would be happy to share her info with you!)




*

Saturday, June 29

Happy Birthday, Cedar!































So, Cedar turned one. I wouldn't say the year flew but it is astonishing that it has already passed. On June 27, when he got up at 5:30 as usual I remembered a year ago, when I was still in labor about to give birth to him. I was so glad I wasn't in labor anymore, ha! And I'm also glad that the first year is gone and that we enjoyed each moment that we could and gritted our teeth through the rest and survived. I'm glad Cedar is in our life. I'm thankful for all I have learned about myself and the world and how we are all connected and how we all need each other.

We celebrated his trip around the sun on this little planet with us by having friends and family over on Thursday, his true birthday. I rented a big moonbounce and baked my Gramom's lemon cake and tried to shake the garden into order. Family slept over the night before to help make food and camp in the backyard. Crudites were chopped. Tim's brother started his smoker at midnight to smoke the chickens and brisket. We made a huge beet salad (which we then forgot to put out). I tucked myself into bed while things were still in full swing in the kitchen below our bedroom. I like that hum of conversation; makes me feel like I'm in a nice B&B.

The morning of we all awoke at different times and coffee was drunk (by others) and breakfasts were found and milk was run out of. Things started to gather momentum and the front porch got cleared for the first time in months. Nothin' like having company to get things done. Guests started arriving in the afternoon and it was a whirl of conversation, introductions and tours. There were seven dogs rolling around. The kids went bonkers all over the place. I didn't get much of a chance to pick up the camera. I didn't get a picture of his cake and I forgot entirely to put on his crown that I so painstakingly sewed. But it was a great time. Friendships were deepened and new ones begun. He celebrated in the midst of love and laughter and that is the best gift that he could have received.

xo Brooke


*

Monday, June 24

Bathing







Watery dips are a staple of our days. Whether it's the kiddie pool out in the garden (or in the kitchen) or a leisurely midmorning tubby just to get the dust off, sometimes we're in the water three or four times a day. I love getting in there with him too ~ bathing in water feels so soothing and forgiving and queenly.



*

the waiting



Last year at this time it was a couple of days before labor began. I had to get the weeding done! Cedar was so tight and elbowy inside and I was breathless and slow and achey-jointed, wondering about the labor to come. Now it's a whole earthturn behind and it is, I must say, so nice to have a bendable waist again.



*

Saturday, June 22

*









Yesterday was what a day should be. Cedar scooted around in the fresh air and I got a bunch of work done that has been staring balefully at me for months. Little projects that needed a coat of paint, a measurement, some screws, a cleaning. It felt so good.



*

Friday, June 21

watermelon. and an anniversary.











Crisp, cold slices, as many as I can eat, as many times a day as I think of it.


Cedar is down for an early nap right now and as soon as he gets up we've got to scoot on over to a friend's house for a play group. Today is Tim and my's 6th wedding anniversary! We won't have much time together as he goes to work tonight but last night he and I tucked ourselves into our hammock with pillows and a soft yellow cotton blanket to watch the trees darken and the bats come out on our anniversary eve. We tried to remember one special thing from each of our married years but we couldn't, because they all start to blend together, don't they? Suffice it to say they have been good, and growing ever better.

xo Brooke



*

Tuesday, June 18

at the loom



Rain is gently falling. Cedar is asleep after a hard evening's play following me around as I vacuumed, chortling at the top of his range, and throwing blocks down the stairs. I sewed his birthday crown and some other sewing projects out in the studio. I rearranged rugs, chests, beds. The house is a lot emptier since the big yard sale I had last Saturday. Oh, it felt good to let things go, and to see who they went to. Almost everything left was packed into my car and taken to to the thrift shop immediately following.


My life is a weaving of all kinds of threads ~ jute, cotton, silk, gold, linen. Definitely some frayed threads and some synthetic ones too. Each day I go to my loom and continue the pattern. We all do. And it is turning out to be a beautiful piece of work overall.

xo Brooke



*

Monday, June 17

the wren

Untitled



What a day it is outside. Perfection.


Yesterday I put out a big grapevine nest I had collected from the woods and enjoyed inside for a time. I placed it on top of the old light fixture on the back porch and by the time I was brushing my teeth at bathtime later I noticed a wren sitting on it looking about. When it got dark I went out into the headiness of the night, singing with frogs, to look at the new quarter moon blazing through the tree branches. It felt like being at the bottom of the ocean and looking up to see moonlight trembling on the surface far above. I checked the nest and could just make out the silhouette of a tail jutting up from the bowl of it; the wren was sleeping there. I stood there feeling the poignancy and vulnerability of its little life just an arm's reach away, and then left it to its dreaming while I went to bed.




*

Friday, June 14

Thursday, June 13

I am a warrior of quiet



Fitting it all in, that's what my days are about.






The hearty weave of two lives together; mine and Cedar's.




There are things I'm not willing to give up, that are non-compromisable for me to continue to be a balanced, healthy and happy person, and that makes things...full.




Sometimes I go blank when I have a free hour because there's too much to fit into it.






I am a warrior of quiet. I wear only soft cotton clothes. I keep an eye on the grass seed sprouting, the furtive woodpeckers, the tiny patch of fancy ferns on the front lawn I don't want Tim to mow over. I do an upstairs downstairs dance with laundry, keep a tally on groceries, try to keep surfaces cleaned off. I try. I just called a cleaning service to come every two weeks to do the bathrooms, the vacuuming and the dusting. I'm hunting down the number of a babysitter to come a couple of times per week to let me finish up some house projects. I need that time doing things on my own. I wrestle for it. I can lose myself now or muscle up.




This world ~ my house ~ my garden ~ Cedar's childhood ~ my fulfillment, takes it all. Everything fits into that. 




I am so lucky and so surrounded by plentitude ~ so why am I so cranky most days? This stuff is tough. But I'm glad it's here. It's in my face and I have to deal with it; be polished by it. I don't get to ignore this stuff and I'm glad of that.




The words all seem so brittle to describe things, just like they were for pregnancy and labor and birth and the love for my little boy. The words seem empty of the true feelings that fill them up. If you have gone through this, you know the meanings. 




*